I’ve been dancing with death. I believe that death begats birth…and I appreciate the tender new soul growth emerging from the soil of loss. Truly I understand the circle of life…yet my heart grieves still…

Before we could bury Gran, I had to attend another funeral.

Just one day after Gran passed; I chose to join my husband’s family at the beach. One of Gran’s favorite places. But they gathered without me…instead I drove 95 miles from the foggy coast to the high desert to see a patient.

I don’t usually make house calls. Most of my patients live 50 or miles from me. Some are out of the country. So making house calls is not really practical. But I did this time.

Anita is one of my favorites…not that I should have favorite patients…but we have been working together for almost four years…really tough healing work, the kind that shifts the soul…hers and mine. Anita has cancer.

She came to me for a spiritual healing. Her cancer had advanced and her family thought this was it. I asked her. “Do you want to live or are you ready to die? Either way I’ll help you.” She chose life. So I did my best to help her live.

Nearly four years of research, trying the best in alternative care—that was her desire—and integrating with some conventional therapies...the best of both worlds. It was a rollercoaster ride—thrilling and scary. I am not a cancer specialist. I’m a hormone specialist. But I’m really good at medical detective work. And I favor the underdog. I hate when patients are not given choices. So I try to investigate the root cause of their dis-ease and usually find something we can work on. Sometimes the root is physical. Sometimes it’s psychological. Always I dig up spiritual roots.

So in our very first consultation, I got to the heart of the matter. Clearly there was not time to waste with stage IV head and neck cancer. The conventional physicians she had consulted had not given her much hope…so she explored alternative treatments on her own. It’s sad that we don’t integrate medicine as much as we should. We are all on the wheel of health care together…why can’t we partner?

Well, at least my patients are willing to partner with me. And as far as I’m concern, it’s their dance. They pick the music, I follow their lead. And I love to dance! And I haven’t met anyone I can’t partner with on the dance floor. The secret is being open to receive them. Same with patients…if I am open to receive them…our dance is harmonious.

So I danced with Anita. Followed her lead through the slow laborious melodies and the rapid tumultuous tunes. It was always her dance, not mine. Not that I didn’t have to remind myself on more than one occasion. Like last year, just before her daughter’s wedding. We were nearly there…having accomplished the last of her goals. She wanted to attend her daughter’s wedding as healthy and happy as possible. And all looked well…except I had a niggling worry. One that wouldn’t stop pestering me. Her daughter’s wedding was what she was living for…there was nothing beyond seeing her daughter all grown up, graduated from college and happily married.

So I brought Anita home…Yes, I work at home…in an office on my property, surrounded by healing herb gardens and great energy…but never had I invited a patient to stay with me, until Anita. It was a deep healing journey for both of us. I helped her discover where her “death wish” originated. We all unconsciously and sometimes consciously direct our bodies towards dis-ease. Sometimes towards death. It begins as a belief that manifests in our body as dis-ease. Anita had hers…and I felt that my job was to enlighten her…then help her reverse the “death wish” and replace it with a “life wish”. That meant finding her purpose.

She named a possible purpose…yet before she left I asked what she learned…and her “purpose” had not stuck… She said, “Being with you, watching you take care of yourself while you take care of me, makes me realize that I’m not taking care of myself as well as I could be.”

Anita taught me a crucial lesson. BEING is more important than DOING. Walking my Talk…Being my Truth. Taking excellent care of myself physically, emotionally, spiritually left the deepest impression on Anita. When we parted, she thanked me. The following month, she attended her only daughter’s wedding—as whole as possible in the face of her disease—pain-free, able to dance all night, as she wished.

And afterwards her health diminished. Plagued by complications of metastatic cancer, she rallied for months. She tried a promising alternative therapy, yet the cancer progressed. I hesitated to order that last MRI. I knew she didn’t want to know. And we discovered the worst—the cancer had spread to her brain.

It was time to let her go…to follow yet another path…this time to a major medical center. A path she had resisted…yet at the end she had to try one more possibility. I knew the specialists would want to try more than she believed in…so I went to the hospital to see her before surgery…to be sure she understood that it was palliative, not curative. She understood but had to do it for her family…to show she tried…everything…even though she was tired…even though she was scared. That was the last time I saw her walking and talking…clear headed…determined…yet knowing there was more. She wasn’t quite ready to go then, but she had accepted her death and felt the extra time would help her daughter let her go. And the last ditch effort to save her would help her husband feel they had exhausted all possibilities. She told me then that she did not want to die in the hospital…reminded me of her wishes…and thanked me for my care.

Over the last three months, she was enmeshed in conventional cancer treatment. The specialists kept telling her everything looked good…but our phone consults, the reports from the visiting nurse, the lab reports told another story. I knew she was dying but her family did not. So I went to her home to help them let her go.

All the way there I reminded myself why I had become a Family Nurse Practitioner. This was the circle of life. I birth them and death them…it’s a dance of midwifery into the body and out of the body. Yet still it’s hard to let go.

When I arrived, Anita’s husband let out a great sigh of relief. I could feel the heavy burden he had carried for so long. I gave him a hug and greeted her daughter and son-in-law. They too were delighted to see me...and escorted me to Anita’s room.

Anita was a lilac flame…a bright and beautiful energy…very loving, a bit tender, yet strong willed. But that night her brilliance had faded. The energy of the dying fades back to white. Hers had concentrated in her heart chakra only a faintly purple glow. She didn’t have much time.

Carefully I examined her, describing to her family what I saw. Anita was resting, not comfortably and was barely lucid. Gently I explained the process of death. What would happen to her physically, mentally and energetically. They wanted to know why the doctors had not told them the truth. Just two days before, she had radiation and they had to cancel that day’s appointment. Clearly she couldn’t go. Clearly…

As hard as it is for me to let my patients go, it’s harder for doctors. Death is seen as a failure in medicine. Anita’s husband felt the same. “I don’t know what to do if I can’t fix it.”

I reassured him that they had done everything possible, but now it was Anita’s time to leave her body. I suggested things that they could do for her to help her be more comfortable and how to be with her energetically. I told them their job now was to imprint themselves with her energy, so when she chooses to come to them, they would more easily receive her. Her husband wasn’t sure about what I was describing, but I could feel his desire to know.

Her daughter got excited by the possibility and remarked how strange it was that Anita seemed to be seeing things. I perceived the energy of Anita’s mother, dead now some 20 years, in the room as soon as I entered. I smiled, “Of course, that’s your grandmother! And we’re tripping over a big dog that won’t leave your mother’s side.” Her daughter cried, “That must be Savannah! She died just before Mom came to you.”

At that moment, Anita opened her eyes and nodded vigorously. Weakly, she waved me to her. I leaned close and she barely grasped my arm and whispered, “Thank you.”

Anita died just thirty hours later. We got hospice involved just in time so the family had support. In fact, I believe her husband was finally able to let her go when he signed the hospice paperwork the next morning. I called the team who worked with her…my collaborating physician, the dedicated pharmacist, the caring nurse. Tears flowed for all of us…as we supported one another…but for Anita…she was free of her pain, finally.

Her memorial service was so well attended…she had asked her sisters-in-law to organize a family reunion that weekend. She never made it, but they were all there to say goodbye.
Her family spoke eloquently with pictures of Anita as a young woman floating in the background. But it was her husband’s choice of music that touched my soul…

“The Dance” by Garth Brooks…”I’m glad that I didn’t know.. the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance. I could of missed the pain, but I would had to miss the dance.”

Thank you, Anita, for allowing me to dance with you.

I'm back from my spirit trip!

I just returned from New Mexico where I spoke at the national nurse practitioner conference. My topic was Recession Proof your Practice, but truly I shared a primer on how to manifest your reality. For me, this recession has been a joyous transformation, financially my best year yet as I float upon the river of consciousness open to receive the gift of each and every encounter.

Truly I manifest my reality as we all do. This weekend was no exception. One quite enlightened retired NP embraced me after my presentation and said that she wished I had been available when she was practicing because she never came out of the closet as an intuitive. She recognized that my audience was not receptive to my light and advised that as I manifest my practice, I must manifest my audience, then she offered her support energetically in my journey.

I did manifest that audience for I had little hope. While most of my colleagues are not yet ready to think out of the box of the insurance driven model of conventional medicine, a few received me. For that I am grateful.

My intention for this trip was to have a spirit journey. I did not make any plans but “saw” myself with a friend having a spiritual experience. As I drove down to the airport on Wednesday afternoon, I took a chance and called my friend. After a year of not connected, I was surprised she picked up! She was happy to see me but couldn’t come to Albuquerque where I would be speaking since she was having a family gathering but would love to have me. Unfortunately no rental cars would be available during the annual hot air balloon fiesta. I envisioned myself there and upon arrival checked with the rental car company at the hotel. Alas no cars…but I left my number and went about exploring the historic Route 66 on foot J

The next morning, I took a long walk to Old Town, had a nice light breakfast, returned to the hotel and packed a bag in preparation to visit my friend who lived over 160 miles southeast. I then got a phone call from the rental car company…that a car was available. So I called my friend for directions. She didn’t pick up! I went down to the lobby ready to go and prayed…she called back with directions.

What an amazing trip! A very long drive through the desert…without cell reception and very few signs of civilization. Then I headed up the mountains into gorgeous vistas and arrived on her property. We had a special time connecting, experiencing each other’s healing hands (she is a naturopath), then she took me to see a grandmother tree. An ancient alligator juniper that we embraced together…how very healing! On her property I perceived the energy of ancient civilizations. She confirmed my perceptions from recent archeological datings of remains. With a kiss and a hug, I left after dark…not the brightest plan. The deer, antelope and exotic oryx are in rut, so I wrapped white light around me and called in my guardian angels. Thank goodness, because about 40 miles later as I was opening a water bottle to take a sip, something jumped out of the dark. I hit my brakes and they locked up, spinning the car around once, twice, three times. As if in slow motion, I conversed with my angels…hey, a little help please. I landed two feet from the guard rail…safe and sound! A lesson in being present….my mind was back at the hotel!

On Saturday morning I took a hot air balloon ride. It was amazing! The most wonderful part was the connection I made with another nurse practitioner who truly seems to get what I have to offer. After the balloon ride, we all went to breakfast at a great New Mexican cafe in Old Town Albuquerque. The food was spicy and the conversation invigorating. Now because of my very passionate energy, I tend to excite others. Many wish to be a part of my vision, yet most are "talking heads" as my husband so accurately describes them. But this time, she really listened (or perhaps I felt received). When I voiced that while I am a healer, a teacher and a visionary, I am not a facilitator, she replied, "That is what I am."

I truly went to New Mexico with the intention of having a spirit trip. My dream is to teach healers to heal themselves....spiritually, emotionally and physically. I pray that this time I might fulfill my dream.

Hello, my Hormonally Challenged friends!

It seems that some of you are getting the connection between the hormones and health.

I recently received an email from a reader. She wrote: “I have read several of your articles and was impressed with your improvement in heath with whatever you found to drink…” after explaining a myriad of symptoms she suffered, including imbalances in: “circadian rhythm, mood, appetite, thirst, fluid balance, sleep…, pain control, and much more” all under the orchestration of the hypothalamus, she asked “So, do you think a nutrition drink could activate the hypothalamus?”

Yes.

I believe that if you feed the body what it needs to heal, it will heal. Since the hypothalamus controls the hormones, neurotransmitters, immune factors as well as all the basic aspects of life, supporting the hypothalamus is key to health.

She was very interested to know what was the nutritional formula I was referring to in my articles and when I explained it was my own formulation—Genesis Gold®—she wanted to know what personal health experiences influenced me to develop a nutritional hypothalamic support and what were my spiritual beliefs.

So I shared my story with her and now with you, dear readers:

“My story begins with the birth of my first child. In January 1984, I had a dream that I was to bear a blond baby boy. I'm Italian, my husband Greek. Blond is not in our genes, but that's what I saw. In spite of amenorrhea due to a 9 year eating disorder, I conceived. The pregnancy was great, but I never "showed". I developed HEELP syndrome years before it was recognized as such and my baby was born at UCLA, ten weeks premature 2# 7oz with ambiguous genitalia. It took ten days for the chromosome studies to come back and the docs to tell me what I already knew. My baby was an XY female. We were advised by the top pediatric endocrinologists on both the west and east coasts to raise our child as a girl. I strongly disagreed. My intuition told me that the high level of androgens my baby's brain had been exposed to in its attempt to overcome the androgen insensitivity affected development.

So we raised our child as a boy, found a pediatric urologist to perform the necessary corrective surgeries, and I went back to grad school. I became a family nurse practitioner and learned everything I could inside and outside of traditional medicine to guide my son through the medical maze. In the 90's documentaries were aired on children like my son, all raised as girls, all psychologically confused by the time they reached young adulthood. Research now shows I was right. If I would have listened to the medical experts instead of my intuitive guidance which at the time felt very divinely given, what harm would my child have suffered?

Overtime I became an expert in hormones and their effect on behavior. In 1997, I went out on my own to practice holistic family medicine. I started to see the most challenging cases related to neuro-immune-endocrinology. I searched for a single nutritional supplement to treat what I believed was the root cause---a dysfunctional hypothalamus...That is when I had the dreams that became Genesis Gold®.

As for my health, I too was hormonally challenged. My bulimia and obsessive exercise kept my body fat so low that at 37 I still had no menstrual cycles without using exogenous hormones. I used bio-identical botanically derived estrogen and progesterone with great results, but once I began researching the Genesis Gold® prototype in 2000, I took myself off everything---hormones and supplements---and joined my 50 plus research subjects. Within two months, I had gained five pounds, my hair and skin improved in texture and moisture, and I got my first un-induced menses. I've had normal cycles ever since and I am aging very slowly compared to my younger sisters—same genetics, the only difference, I’m taking Genesis Gold®.

Truth be told, I have had few patients who have not benefited from consuming Genesis Gold®. I have treated panpituitury syndrome, multiple endocrine disorders, neurological disorders and immune disorders over the past five years since Genesis Gold® has been available and the majority of my patients have been able to get off their other supplements, hormone replacement therapies, and medications. I believe if you feed the body what it needs, it will heal. Genesis Gold® and Sacred Seven™ amino acids were specifically developed to support optimal hypothalamic function.

With surgically induced hypothalamic failure, I believe it will take time to heal. I find as many months as years of dis-ease to build a foundation of healing. I would suspect you would notice improvement in the first month, but complete healing will take time.

As to my spiritual beliefs. I am not religious...I do not follow any particular dogma. I am very spiritual, intimately connected to this earth and its inhabitants. I respect all belief systems and have studied many finding pearls of truth in each. In 2003, after much pressure from colleagues and patients to share my healing lore, I struggled to organize all the content I had collected over the years. So I prayed for what it was I should write. My debut novel, LoveDance came to me in dreams and visions and I wrote prolifically for eight months. Readers report amazing healings while reading LoveDance, which has woven into the fabric of the story my beliefs about healing, how every dis-ease has a spiritual root and thus a lesson and yes, even a gift for those willing to open and receive.

Now I am busy doing healing work with patients who seek my intuitive integrative approach. I am speaking to the public and teaching my colleagues about the unique model I have developed in 20 years of treating the hormonally challenged. My healing vibration is within the book and my nutritional products. I feed Genesis Gold® to my animals who outlive their natural life spans and many of my patients have used Genesis Gold® with their pets as well. No belief systems there, just healing. I have had infertile patients conceive while taking Genesis Gold®. I've treated Reyes syndrome as well as multiple autistic and learning disabled children using Genesis Gold® as their foundational support. As you can testify, the hypothalamus affects so much of our existence. Treating the maestro of the orchestra of ligands produced by the neuro-immune-endocrine system so that the "hormones" can sing harmoniously to the DNA and the DNA can dance beautifully is the secret to health and happiness.

While I researched each and every ingredient, I did not adulterate the formula that came in my dreams. It was given to me for a reason and the universe saw fit to provide the resources to allow me to get it into the world. It has been a lovely synchronicity of events that led to the birth of Genesis Gold® from the gift of my hormonally challenged son to meeting you, dear reader.

Blessings,

Deborah”